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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 17, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EST

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musical guest zayn. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 419 toledo! woo! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hey, welcome! [ screams and applause ] thank you! thank you, los angeles! hey, looking good. looking good! welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. this is it. you made it.
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[ cheers and applause ] let's get to some news here, you guys. i saw that the pope said mass today in mexico and as many as 200,000 people were expected to cross the u.s./mexico border to hear him speak. [ light laughter ] and the pope pulled off his mask and said -- [ trump impression ] "gotcha! now you're back in mexico. adios amigos!" [ laughter and applause ] did you see this yesterday? during a speech hillary clinton had a coughing fit that lasted for four minutes. some people said her cough was kind of distracting. i don't know. you be the judge. [ dog barking ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's an unusual -- that's not the right clip. i think we played the wrong clip. that's an unusual cough. >> steve: that's a rough cough. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right, hillary clinton had a coughing fit during a speech and the crowd actually chanted her name as she opened a cough drop. [ laughter ] yeah. she got applause for choking --
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nice." [ laughter ] [ applause ] i think i might have pulled something on that last joke. actually, i'm not sure i can go on. [ audience aws ] well, this is "the tonight show." the monologue has to go on. [ laughter ] i need somebody to tag in for me. can anyone tag in? can you help me out? [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you! thank you very much. jimmy! thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. jimmy were talking about the election, to quote a famous president. >> jimmy: yeah. >> got my first robocall this week. said, "hi, this is bill clinton. can hillary count on you?" count on me? she can't even count on bill. [ laughter ]
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problems, pal. [ applause ] this e-mail -- this e-mail problem continues to dog hillary, but she says it's just an honest mistake. you ever notice the only time people in washington are honest is when they make a mistake? why is that? [ laughter ] plus, hillary says she has been tested. well, i hope so. you never know what bill might bring home. sheesh. [ laughter and applause ] well, after his big win in new hampshire, they say hillary's team is trying to dig up dirt on bernie sanders. ooh. [ audience oohs ] you know what you call someone who digs up dirt on bernie sanders? an archeologist. [ laughter ] but the big decision for sanders will be picking a vice president. it's important because whoever he chooses is just a prostate away from being the next president of the united states. that's right.
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and let me ask you something. what is going on with the republicans? i watch these debates. trump attacks cruz. rubio goes after bush. bush gets into a fight with trump. remember the good old days when the republicans were all united against the poor and the minorities? what happened? [ laughter ] what happened there? [ applause ] and ted cruz -- oh, you hear about this? oh, boy. ted cruz's campaign pulled one of their tv commercial because the actress in the ad was a a porn star. [ audience ohs ] the campaign said they hired the porn star because they thought she could make ted cruz easier to swallow. i don't know. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] >> cruz! >> i don't care. they can't fire me. [ laughter ] [ applause ] as if we don't have enough problems, listen to this. this is a big issue in this campaign.
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university say that global warming may cause an increase in cases of diarrhea worldwide. [ laughter ] you know what that means? global warming has gone from our number one problem to our number two problem. [ laughter and applause ] global warming is so bad vladimir putin is now topless and bottomless. that's how bad it is. in fact, the earth is as hot as it's ever been. >> audience: how hot is it? >> it is so hot, bill cosby is slipping his dates chill pills. that's how hot it is. it is so hot immigrants are coming across the border on slip and slides. that's how hot it is. it is so hot, donald trump hit on megyn kelly just to get the cold shoulder. that's how hot it is, ladies and gentlemen. [ applause ] thank you, jimmy. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i appreciate that. they're saying it's hot out there. it is so hot donald trump is building a wall just for the shade. >> yes! [ applause ] >> jimmy: it is so hot steve harvey says it's cold. >> yes. [ laughter ]
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>> steve: this is cold! >> jimmy: he says it is so hot instead of red lobster beyonce is taking his ass to dairy queen. >> yes! >> jimmy: jay leno, everybody, right there! [ cheers and applause ] jay leno! thank you, buddy, i appreciate that. want to stick around for a bit? want to -- >> what? >> jimmy: want to stick around for a little bit? >> no, i got stuff to do. i can't stick around. you're on your own. see you later. goodbye, everybody! >> jimmy: we have a great show. give it up for the roots right there, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how great was that? jay leno, everybody, once again! oh, my goodness. [ cheers ] thank you for helping us out with that bit. >> steve: oh, my god. >> jimmy: jay leno. oh, he's the best. jay is currently filming his
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"jay leno's garage." and this sunday he'll be performing at the king center for performing arts in melbourne, florida. check him out. if you have not seem him live, he's the best. [ cheers and applause ] jay leno, thank you, buddy. that's the best. we had to call him. we've been bothering him all week. like, "please do something." yeah. it's great to be out in l.a. and just to do stuff like that. so we're happy to be here. thanks for having us here in los angeles, guys. [ cheers and applause ] it's exciting for us. last night -- last night i went to -- me and miles, our head writer. did i tell you last night, the dinner i had? >> steve: oh, my gosh, it was fantastic. >> jimmy: we went to our friends the rowans' last night. tom and marla rowan had this dinner at their house. and it's just -- it's in malibu. i went to their house, and this is a real, true story. at just the dining room table -- legends. don rickles was there. mike connors was there, steve lawrence, carol burnett. [ cheers and applause ] bob newhart and tim conway. were all sitting -- [ cheers ]
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all sitting at the table. it's unbelievable. we walk in. we finish a show. we drove out to malibu, we saw them. we walked in and don rickles goes, "oh, great, it's jimmy kimmel." [ laughter ] jimmy fallon. he goes, "yeah, yeah, no one cares." [ laughter ] everybody was on fire. steve lawrence -- you know he's an amazing singer but man is he a funny human being. he had a thousand jokes. carol burnett started telling a a story about eydie gorme. and as she's telling this story, tim conway just raises his hand at dinner. and we go, "yes, tim?" he goes, "can someone cut my meat for me?" [ laughter ] and then bob newhart goes, "that's green beans, that's not meat." [ laughter ] it was like that all night long, like machine gun comedy. anyway, one of the best nights ever. so thank you to the rowans. thank you to all those guys for letting me sit at the table. [ cheers and applause ] this is why it's great to come out to los angeles, stuff like that. it was the best night ever. it was so fun. guys, we're gonna back in new
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is going to be on the show. and we wanted do this fun thing with him, but i'm gonna need your help. so if you have a kid between the ages of 5 and 9, i want you to have them write a story with the title "house of cards." [ light laughter ] write like a scene. it's important, don't tell your kids what the show is actually about. just have them write a short scene, one or two pages, with two characters talking to each other. give them the title "house of cards," and let their imaginations do the rest. when they're done, e-mail it to kidtheater@tonightshow.com. we'll choose our favorites and kevin and i will act them out on our show. it will be fun. so thank you for doing that. [ cheers and applause ] "house of cards." we've got a big, big, big show tonight, everybody. she's unbelievably talented, one of the hardest working people i've ever met. we love her so much. show. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: come on! oh!
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jennifer and i are playing password with some surprise guests. you don't want to miss that. [ cheers ] plus, he's the one and only d-o double g, snoop dogg is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> audience: snoop! >> jimmy: you bet! hang on, snoopy. and then, making his television debut with us tonight -- i'm so honored, i'm psyched. we love him. >> steve: he's great. >> jimmy: music from zayn is here. [ cheers and applause ] that's him as a baby. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: he was a child. he was probably about six or seven. some fresh tats. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. went to the local parlor. >> jimmy: yeah, went into the local kids' -- kid tattoo parlor and got tatted up. [ laughter ] >> steve: they're the best, 'cause they have to be very intricate 'cause it's much smaller tattoos. >> jimmy: i know, yeah. [ light laughter ] you grow into them, yeah. [ laughter ] guys, i was watching tv the other day, you know, i was just flipping through the channels. and i saw this show on teen nick. it's a show called "ew!"
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[ cheers and applause ] you've heard of it? yeah, you've heard of this. it's a pretty good show. [ cheers ] a lot of people say -- a lot of people say that i look like the main character. [ laughter ] it's a little girl, it's a girl on the show. yeah, it's like a 15-year-old girl. i don't know if i see it. well, take a look for yourselves. here's the latest episode of "ew!" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. welcome to "ew!" i'm sara and if you're wondering, that's s-a-r-a with no "h" 'cause hs are ew! [ laughter ] joining us today is one of my bffs. she's visiting all the way from
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[ screams and applause ] gabby, what's up? >> not much. i'm just having, like, the worst day ever! >> jimmy: ew! [ laughter ] how come? >> i found out my dad joined snapchat. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ew! >> ew, i know. and he friended me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? ew! what's his name on it? >> snapdaddy123. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ew! snapdaddy123? >> i know, right? i was like, "can i live?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ew. ew! let's make some snap faces. [ light laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: you go first gabby. >> okay. okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's see it. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] it's great! you're looking great. now it's my turn. >> ew. ew. ew. >> jimmy: now it's my turn. how is that?
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[ laughter ] ew! that was amazing! >> both: shoulder, shoulder, jump, jump, then we bestie booty bump! [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: wow. now it's time for the "ew!" talent show. i'll go first. >> okay. >> jimmy: my talent is that i can balance a spoon on my nose. [ laughter ] watch. [ cheers and applause ] there we go! your turn, gabby. >> uh -- ohh. >> jimmy: what? >> my talent is i can dance. [ cheers ] but i'm really shy. >> jimmy: i mean, it's not balancing a spoon on your nose but you -- [ laughter ]
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i mean, you'll never get better if you don't try. [ laughter ] >> ew. okay. >> jimmy: yeah. just try. >> okay. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: this is embarrassing. [ laughter ] maybe if i put some music on it would help. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, girls, those are some pretty nifty moves! [ laughter ] what you doing, the macarena? a-one and a-two and my name is macarena. a-three and a-four and you do the macarena. heey! you're the macarena. >> jimmy: ew! it's my stepdad gary. >> hi, stepdad gary.
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stepdad gary was my stepdad's name. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ew, gary, get out of here! >> think of the macarena. your mom is upstairs making some popcorn so sound the corn horn! beep beep! me so corny! [ laughter ] you put some kernels in the pan and you let them pop and then you put them in a bowl and sprinkle salt on top it's a tasty little treat with a serious crunch it's a snackable vegetable that you'll wanna munch >> both: ew! >> jimmy: get out of here, gary! >> okay! i can take a hint. oh, by the way, i'm on chat snap now. my name is snapdaddy124 because somebody already had 123. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: eww, get out! >> all right, munchy bunch! catch you on the flippity flop! [ cheers ] >> jimmy: it's time for the "ew!" speed round. are you ready? here we go. leftover candy hearts. >> ew. >> jimmy: yeah.
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matt damon's beard from "the martian." >> ew! so fake. >> jimmy: yeah, uh-huh. yogurt covered raisins. >> ew. >> jimmy: yeah. jack nicholson. >> cute. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. he's, like, a really talented actor. have you ever seen "one flew over the cuckoo's nest"? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: "one flew over the cuckoo's nest"? [ laughter ] no, i've never seen that. [ laughter ] finally -- in-n-out burger. [ cheers ] >> love it! i brought one from l.a.! >> jimmy: gimme it! that's all the time we have for "ew!" i wanna thank gabby for joining me today. [ cheers and applause ] tune in next week. ew! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, i guess i can see the resemblance there.
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gentlemen! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] actually, philly was the first capital. oh, honey... no wait, did you just have that on your phone? it's time to mix it up. do it, dad! yeah, do it! there are thousands of ways into the complex health care system. it was frozen. daddy's hand looks funny. and choosing unitedhealthcare can help make it simpler by letting you know when your claim has been processed. yo, adrian. still not funny. unitedhealthcare this is a cell tower from one of those major carriers. straight talk wireless uses the same cell towers they do. but we don't build or maintain them. so we can offer out here... ...and here...
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best phones. best networks. half the cost. make your tax return go further and save on the samsung galaxy grand prime. unlimited talk, text and data is just $45 a month. find out more at straighttalkswitch.com (man) hmm. what do you think? (stranger) good mornin'! (store p.a.) attention shoppers, there's a lost couple in the men's department. (vo) there's a great big un-khaki world out there. explore it in a subaru crosstrek. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. so my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough?
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don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a grammy and golden globe award nominated artist who you can see every week on the farewell season of fox's "american idol." in may she'll return to las vegas to continue her hugely successful, sold-out residency at planet hollywood. she's also starring in the new series "shades of blue" which airs thursdays at 10pm right here on nbc. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the very busy, the very
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>> jimmy: this coast loves you, east coast loves you, you gotta a lot of love. thank you for being on the show. you look gorgeous. >> thank you so much! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: stunning as always. >> you're so sweet. but you go all out. here are some shots of what happens in the las vegas show. >> oh, god. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: look at that. come on. [ cheers ] >> jenny from the block right there. >> jimmy: a little bronx right there. everything is in the show. >> you know, it was such a a treat for me to be able to put together a show for vegas that's really different then touring and doing concerts and stuff. it's a much more intimate room. it's vegas. like frank sinatra and ann margret and all these people. >> jimmy: absolutely, yeah. >> you know what i mean? it was such a blessing. >> jimmy: you're getting crazy good reviews, congratulations. >> it's been amazing. >> jimmy: it's a lot of work. >> it's a lot of work. i put together this show that's so hard for myself. >> jimmy: i know, it's like
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>> i'm like, this is going to be so good. oh, my god, we did this, this, this, and this. then at the end of the show i'm like dead. >> jimmy: exhausted. >> i'm like, oh my god, i have to do this again tomorrow? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you're going back in may. >> you have to come see it. >> jimmy: i'm going to come. planet hollywood. [ cheers ] >> a lot of energy. >> jimmy: so happy for you. and "shades of blue" on nbc, we couldn't be more happy. thank you, thank you, thank you on behalf of nbc for a giant hit show. >> ray liotta, myself. >> jimmy: i love ray liotta man. >> he is so intense. >> jimmy: he is great. he's perfectly cast. for those who haven't seen it do you want to set it up? basically you're a cop who -- >> i'm a cop who is very loyal to her family of cops, very -- and she gets picked up by the fbi in the first -- for you guys who haven't seen it. in the first episode by the fbi to turn on her crew. and it just becomes this tightrope walk for her of how
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care of her daughter. it's just -- it's really riveting. it's very intense, ray liotta plays my captain and my boss, my lieutenant wosniak and he is -- >> jimmy: he might know something. he might not. >> he's trying to figure out. he gets word that there might be a rat in his crew and he goes ballistic. there's a lot of-- yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: total ray liotta -- >> like, you haven't seen him like this in years. he is brilliant. and it was so much fun to work with him. >> jimmy: it's a great show. i want to show everyone a clip. here's jennifer lopez and ray liotta in the nbc series "shades of blue." take a look at this. >> did you do it? >> harley. >> did you? >> i told you. kovach's got the jump on them. they fought. sap shot him. they both went over. >> no, you're lying. >> calm down please. >> you were ready to kill me three days ago. >> and i would have killed you today, but i didn't. >> so you let kovach do it. >> harley, he's my friend, too. and a cop. you don't think i tried to save
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i was a step behind, but i had to get the kid. i'm sick over this. it's just senseless and infuriating but it also may be a blessing in disguise. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's good. he's good. >> that line. it also may be a blessing in disguise. oh, my gosh. you should see it. it's a really good show. i'm very proud of it, i can say. thank you, nbc. >> jimmy: can we play a game? do you mind playing a game with me? >> sure! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: would that be fun? jennifer and i are playing password with some surprise guests after the break. stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] 3d touch on iphone 6s respondsto the pressure of your finger. so you can do a ton of stuff in a lot less time.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: welcome back to "the tonight show", everybody. i'm your host steve higgins. and we're about to play a big game of "password." [ cheers and applause ] to my left, the first team. she's a judge on "american idol," she has a hugely successful residency in las vegas, and now you can see her every week in the new show, "shades of blue", right here on nbc. say hello to jennifer lopez! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: jennifer, your partner this evening is the host of nbc's "tonight show" and saugerties sweetheart, jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh, fantastic. how you feeling? how you feeling tonight, jimmy? that's great. quest -- [ laughter ] your first opponent is our very own questlove from the roots! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: and quest, your partner this evening hosts her very own talk show, "kocktails with khloe," which airs
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please welcome khloe kardashian! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: khloe! >> jimmy: khloe. come on. this is los angeles right here. this is it. this is l.a. here we go. we're all here to play "password", everybody. let's do it! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: the rules of the game are very simple. i will give each of you a a password. then each of you are to give a a one-word clue -- one word only -- to get your partner to guess the password. if the clue is illegal, as determined by our judges, you shall hear this. [ buzzer ] and you'll forfeit the turn. the team with the most points after four words wins. any questions? >> jimmy: well i was just -- >> steve: okay, great. [ laughter ] first clue goes to jennifer and khloe. >> the password is jail. >> steve: jennifer, we're going to start with you? why me? >> jimmy: okay. >> okay. >> ready?
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okay. >> big -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: big -- sorry, big -- big booty. >> steve: no! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no. that is -- >> steve: get your mind out of the gutter. >> jimmy: last time -- >> steve: i am -- no, i don't want to hear it! i do not want to hear it. that's rude! >> cool. >> questlove: cool. >> jimmy: cool. >> steve: the clue is cool. >> questlove: khloe. i don't know. [ laughter ] >> steve: no. okay, back over to jennifer. >> ice. >> jimmy: snowstorm. three points. back to khloe. >> jimmy: oh. >> steve: this barn is on fire.
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>> questlove: cold. [ laughter ] cool, cold. [ laughter ] skating rink. >> steve: skating rink, no. two points. >> can i go again? >> steve: yes, you can. jennifer, two points. >> jimmy: yeah. >> watch. relax. >> jimmy: relax. big. cool. ice. >> relax. >> jimmy: relax. big, cool, ice, relax, cold. >> relax! >> jimmy: chill! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh, my goodness! >> jimmy: i didn't even know why it was that -- >> steve: that's all right. >> jimmy: i got chill -- >> the big chill? >> jimmy: next to a -- >> steve: jimmy and quest. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> the password is drizzle. >> steve: quest, you will begin.
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>> questlove: wizzet? [ laughter ] >> what? [ laughter and applause ] >> questlove: wizzet? [ laughter ] wizzet? >> steve: i think she heard you. >> jimmy: where's snoop dog when you need him? [ laughter ] >> i have no idea. >> jimmy: rain. wizzet. [ laughter ] >> steve: no, no. >> questlove: you can't use that -- >> jimmy: i said rain. i said rain. i said he said wizzet. and i said rain. >> wet? >> steve: wet, no. no. back to quest. four points. [ laughter ] >> questlove: drizzop. [ audience booing ] >> jimmy: judges? [ ding ]
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use that? >> questlove: yes, i know i can say that. yes. >> okay. so -- >> questlove: drizzop. [ laughter ] drizzop. >> rain? >> jimmy: yes. that's it. that's her guess is rain. >> what? >> jimmy: that's it right there. >> you said rain. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter! ready? >> i'm so confused. >> jimmy: i can't believe you got away with that. sprizzle. [ laughter ] [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> what? >> questlove: you're welcome. you're welcome. >> steve: sprizzle. >> questlove: you're welcome. >> steve: oh my gosh. jennifer -- >> jimmy: just a sprizzle. >> steve: khloe -- >> listen. >> the password is rod -- >> steve: khloe, we're going to start with you. [ laughter ] >> stort. >> questlove: stort? >> stort. >> questlove: stort. >> stort. >> questlove: stort? stewart? [ laughter ] >> stort. >> stort. >> am i saying it right?
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>> questlove: store it? stort? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i've never heard of this. >> stewart. >> questlove: drizzle. >> stewart. >> questlove: stort? >> steve: oh god. okay, i understand now. >> questlove: all right, stewart. >> stewart. >> questlove: mouse? >> steve: no. [ laughter ] five points. back to jennifer. >> jimmy: i've never heard of these words. >> out sprizzle. >> she said stewart. >> jimmy: yeah. >> stewart. hot. hot. >> jimmy: hot blank. hot stewart. [ laughter ] >> yes! yes! you got it. i saw it in your head. [ laughter ] [ applause ] do it again. >> jimmy: no, cause i'm thinking hot, i'm thinking of rod stewart. >> yes! [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: that's a 10-0. >> jimmy: it's a shut out, we
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[ cheers and applause ] i want to thank jennifer lopez, khloe kardashian. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." stick around everybody. that was the best. [ cheers and applause ] mmm, this turkey is natural? yeah. it's too good to be true. not again. real estate never goes down. fact. we'll have the baby, and i'll have my band, and it'll just work. right. don't worry about it honey. all of our family photos are right here (banging sound) on the hard drive. it's called a timeshare. we don't own it, we share it. let's do it. oh yeah. that is good. - mm-hmm. finally, something that's not too good to be true. it's oscar mayer natural turkey breast, and it tastes great. new schick hydro versus the lube strip. with a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40% less friction. it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation.
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schick hydro . free your skin . folks, you can't make this stuff up. four bandits chose a prius as their getaway car. bravo-niner, in pursuit of a toyota prius. over. how hard is it to catch a prius? over. this thing is actually pretty fast. over. very funny. oh look, a farmer's market. we should get some flowers for the car. yeah! holly! toyota. let's go places. piano music. i'm glad you finally made it, dad. you have to experience this city. that's what you always say. you were right about the food. hi john. hey kevin. spent the day with an astronaut. one more. it's beautiful, isn't it? how about a baseball game next time? done! done.
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(donkey sound) (elephant sound) there's a big difference between making noise, (tapping sound) and making sense. (elephant sound) (donkey sound) when it comes to social security, we need more than lip service. our next president needs a real plan to keep social security strong. (elephant noise)
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give us a plan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so this -- this is a a real -- this is a real thing that's happening right now. this never happens to us in new york, but here in l.a. guests really do get stuck in traffic? [ laughter ] and that happened tonight with snoop dogg. [ audience aws ] he's stuck on the 405, which you all can probably relate to. but we lucked out. so instead, we get to talk to one of my favorite comedians and one of the greatest talk show hosts of all time. let's give a warm "tonight show" welcome to the one and
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[ cheers and applause ] >> i was at the gate! [ laughter ] i'm pulling out. i'm saying to the guy -- and in the rear view mirror i see your producer like this -- i go, "something's going on." open the gate! open the gate! [ laughter ] no, no, open the gate! and he grabs me. just when you think you're out, they pull you back in. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: welcome -- welcome. thank you -- thank you so much. thank you so much. >> you were talking about your dinner with rickles and newhart. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know, i love these guys. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and the fun part is when you talk to those guys, i'm probably the youngest of those guys. [ laughter ] by that, i mean i'm probably the last guy to work the clubs when they were run by the mob. because when those guys had it, it was different. and the mob was different than like the marriott corporation or something now. [ laughter ] i mean it was just a little bit different. like one of the first gigs i
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there used to be a club called mr. kelly's. you know, huge club in chicago. and it was one of my first out of town gigs. and i was opening for freda payne. do you remember her? she had a song called "band of gold" back in the day -- >> jimmy: yeah, of course. yeah. band of gold >> so -- exactly. [ laughter ] so i -- i get to the club and i see the marquee. it says friday, saturday, sunday freda payne and jay l no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so l no. >> so i go in. i say, "the owner here?" he goes, "what do you want?" i said, "i'm jay leno." he goes, "i know that." i said, "you spelled my name wrong on the sign." he goes, "i didn't spell your name wrong." i said, "well there's an 'e' missing." he goes, "i know that." he said, "but we're out of es. freda payne took all the es." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry, we used all the es. >> we used all the es. so i said to him, "can't you buy another 'e'?" and then he gives -- and then he starts doing this -- "what do you think? there's some kind of alphabet store? you go down you buy es? that what you think?" [ laughter ] and then he says -- and then he gives me a lecture.
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popular letters in the alphabet. okay? even if there was a store, they would be out of the es anyway." so, he says, "for the next three days, you're jay l no. so shut up and it's jay l no." [ laughter ] that night it was jay l no. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. "es, i'll give you one of these." i want to hear this -- you have this nobel peace prize ceremony. this is in norway. you were just in norway. >> yeah. you know, i got asked to do the -- to host the -- i don't know why they ask me to host the nobel peace prize thing, but it was -- it was an honor. okay? but they've never had a a comedian do it. [ light laughter ] so they say to me, "you have to meet with the nobel committee." you have to run your jokes past the nobel committee. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. >> so i get to oslo and go into the oslo town hall. there are five guys that look like sigmund freud sitting there. [ laughter ] they go, "mr. leno, you have to understand, because of the nobel prize -- no mockery, no ridicule, no insults. that is our rule when you host."
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so i write a jo -- i said, "how about this joke?" they told me i couldn't do any mockery, any ridiculing, insults. so good night, everybody. so the guy goes, "but wait. if you leave, who will then do the show?" [ laughter ] i said, "no, no." i said, "i'm not really leaving." and then the comedy guy goes, "magnus, the amusement is that he threatens to leave." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is a nightmare. i mean, we got through it. it was just -- and you know the nobel peace prize committee, the room was very small where they give out the awards. and it's like, you know when you watch "star trek" and have the federation of planets. there's a guy with a pointed hat, another guy with a a dashiki, another guy with -- so it's like -- it's just odd. >> jimmy: it's a great gig. >> but it's a beautiful country. i mean there's -- there's only five million people in all of norway. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. it's like an apartment in new york. i mean the whole second -- you know.
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it's very -- it was a wonderful experience. >> jimmy: so, you'd go back and do it again. >> oh, i would go do it again. sure. sure. >> jimmy: would you do our show again? >> i'm doing it again. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not only are you -- >> i just did it again. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not only are you a a great host, you're a great guest and i owe you one, buddy. >> no, you don't owe me anything. >> jimmy: you're one in a a million. i love this guy right here. >> can i go now? can i leave now? [ cheers and applause ] i am leaving! >> jimmy: thank you. jay's 12-part series, "jay leno's garage" -- >> open the gate! >> jimmy: returns to cnbc this spring. >> open the damn gate! >> jimmy: snoop dogg right there everybody. zayn performs for us after the break. stick around, everybody. snoop dogg! [ cheers and applause ] we're looking for something a little less... maybe a little less expensive? absolutely. please. well, check out yelp. we need a great body shop. my wife just hit a deer. [upset deer bleats]
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it's cool. we know just the place. i guess i need... golf... lessons? yes you do! [ka-boom!] that looks rad. whatever you need... whenever you need it... check yelp first. we know just the place. can't get unlimited data for your family? other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! hurry. only at t-mobile. it's a taste so bold, yet so smooth, it could only be called, black silk, from folgers. a taste you could enjoy, fresh brewed, or one cup at a time. black silk, from folgers. sfx: cell phone vibrates. yeah? (sigh) you're okay... he's okay, he made it! jason.. what do you mean? we were very bad boys. alexa what's in the news? alexa: here's the news, "alecbaldwin and jason schwartzman
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so what's your news? i got a job! i'll be programming at ge. oh i got a job too, at zazzies. (friends gasp) the app where you put fruit hats on animals? i love that! guys, i'll be writing code that helps machines communicate. (interrupting) i just zazzied you. (phone vibrates) look at it! (friends giggle) i can do dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs... you name it. i'm going to transform the way the world works. (proudly) i programmed that hat. and i can do casaba melons. i'll be helping turbines power cities. i put a turbine on a cat. (friends ooh and ahh) i can make hospitals run more efficiently...
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest crushed records with his debut single "pillowtalk", hitting number one in 68 countries. [ cheers ] yeah! here with the exclusive world premiere of his new song
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from the roots, give it up for zayn! [ cheers and applause ] she got she got she got her own reasons for talking to me she don't she don't she don't give a ---- about what i need and i can't tell you why
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can't equate it tell me your lies because i just can't face it it's you it's you it's you it's you it's you it's you i won't i won't i won't cover the scars i'll let 'em bleed
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so my silence won't be mistaken for peace am i wrong for wantin' us to make it tell me your lies because i just can't face it it's you it's you it's you it's you it's you it's you
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it's a lesson that i never had to learn i looked at it like a blessing and now it's just a curse i don't know why i don't know why it's you it's you it's you it's you
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: zayn, everybody! "mind of mine" is available march 25th. we'll be right back, everybody!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to jennifer lopez, jay leno, khloe kardashian, zayn once again, ladies and gentlemen! [ screams and applause ] thank you, buddy. and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] snoop! snoop, i'll see you next time! stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow.
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>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- will ferrell. comedian hannibal burress, music from dustin lynch, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how's everybody doin' tonit? [ cheers and applause ] that's fantastic, let's get to the news. jeb bush yesterday tweeted out a picture of a handgun with his name engraved on it, and the caption "america." making it the first time anyone said his name the way his logo intended.
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[ light laughter ] that's right, jeb bush tweeted a picture with caption "america," and showing a gun with his name engraved on it. which seemed in poor taste, but you should have seen the other photos he was considering. there was that one. [ light laughter ] and also this one, [ light laughter ] that was a bad call. and then this one, that's the worst one of all them. [ light laughter ] pope francis loudly scolded a fan in mexico yesterday after the man grabbed his arm and pulled him down. and after hearing that the pope yelled at a mexican, donald trump converted to catholicism. [ light laughter ] i like the way you do things. [ light laughter ] donald trump supporters have filed a lawsuit challenging ted cruz's eligiblility to become president because they claim he is not a natural born citizen. okay, that's fair, but just please point to one thing on this guy that's natural. just one. [ laughter and applause ] >> donald trump at a recent campaign rally, that he has

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